Fighting for my life, but make it cute

a story of survival

First things first—major love to everyone who checked in on me over the last month. Y’all are the real MVPs. The truth is, I’ve been out here fighting for my life, okay? But not in a dramatic, “everything is falling apart” kind of way. More like a “my body is adjusting to a new normal, and my brain is doing the absolute most” kind of way.

So, here’s the tea: I’m officially off my meds again. After three months of slowly weaning off, I’m navigating life without that little chemical support system, and whew… what a ride. Unlike the last time, I didn’t slip into a depression (huge win!), but my sleep? Oh, my sleep disappeared like it owed someone money.

The War on Sleep (Spoiler: I Won… Barely)

For weeks, I was trying everything to get my sleep back on track. Magnesium, melatonin, sleepy girl mocktails, breathing exercises, nighttime journaling, herbal teas, white noise, brown noise, old-school bedtime routines—if there was a hack, I tried it. At one point, I even considered reading the Terms & Conditions on my phone just to bore myself to sleep. But finally, finally, I think I’ve cracked the code. I’m averaging around seven hours now, which honestly feels like a personal Olympic gold medal.

But the wildest part of all this? My brain will not shut up. I’m bouncing between a million thoughts at once, and my lucid dreams have been next level. I’m talking full-fledged, cinematic, “should I pitch this to Netflix?” kind of dreams. It’s like my subconscious has been waiting for its big break, and now that it has an empty stage, it’s doing a full Broadway production every night.

Doing The Most (As Usual)

And, of course, because I love a challenge, I decided that this would be the perfect time to take on new things. I’m deep in studying for my project management certification and taking additional courses because, apparently, I like to keep my plate overflowing.

Oh, and in an act of pure delusion (or maybe determination?), I also signed up for another 10K at the end of May. Yup. We’re doing this again. If you’ve been following along, you know I ran my first 10K last year, and somehow, I got the bright idea to do it all over again. This means I’ve been way more disciplined with my eating, training, and daily movement. Not perfectly disciplined, but, you know… better.

Life lately has been a weird mix of slow but chaotic—I’ve been disconnecting from the internet more, soaking in the small joys, and just letting myself be, while also juggling a million things. It’s a strange balance, but I think I’m figuring it out.

A Substack Glow-Up Is Coming

One of the things I’m most excited about? This space. I’m in the process of giving my Substack a full glow-up. A rebrand. A whole new vibe. I want it to reflect more of me—my life as an island girl navigating being 40, fabulous, and fumbling. Expect a fresh look, a better reading experience, and more of the things that bring me joy. I can’t wait to share it with you!

And because I want this space to be more personal, I’ll be sharing little snippets of my life, starting with a collection of photos from my camera roll—random, funny, beautiful moments that have been keeping me grounded. Scroll down to see what I’ve been up to!

Leaning Into Rest (And Doing Nothing, On Purpose)

One thing I’ve really been prioritizing? The radical act of doing nothing. I know—wild concept. But sometimes, we get so caught up in doing that we forget how beautiful it is to just be. So I’ve been taking my own advice: resting when I need to, enjoying the slowness, and embracing the fact that not every moment needs to be productive.

And you know what? It’s been good. Really good.

March Check-In: How I’m Feeling, What I’m Loving

Since we’re wrapping up the first quarter of the year (how?!), here’s a little snapshot of what I’ve been up to:

📖 What I’m Reading: How We Heal by Alex Elle — I’ve been rereading this book because it is one of the most helpful tools to help manage my anxiety.

🎧 What I’m Listening To: Anxiety by Doechii - because I really be feeling as if someone is after me.

📺 What I’m Watching: The White Lotus on HBO Max - because bat shit unhinged rich white people stories is peak comedy.

🥘 What I’m Eating: Chicken Burrito Bowl—because I’ve actually been enjoying cooking lately (who am I?).

🧘🏾‍♀️ How I’m Feeling: Honestly? Pretty damn grateful. Life is shifting, but in a way that feels right.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at. Resting, recalibrating, growing, and embracing the beautiful mess of it all.

Thank you to each and every one of you for being here. Whether you’re a new subscriber or someone who’s been rocking with me for a while, I appreciate you. I’m slowly building something special here, and I can’t wait to keep sharing it with you.

Next week, things will look a little different around here, and I cannot wait for you to see it. In the meantime—take care of yourself, get some rest, and find joy in the little things.

See you soon!